Growing Your Capacity to Love

Growing Your Capacity to Love
By Greg Baker

We’re all born with the capacity to love. After all, we are born in God’s image. For some, that capacity is limited only to self, which usually makes it difficult to love others. In a nut shell, our capacity to love is dependent upon our ability to absorb, accept, and deal with being hurt by someone else.

Loving someone isn’t the euphoria and paradise that so much of our main stream philosophy tends to portray. In fact, the more love you give someone the greater the chances will be that they’ll hurt you. It doesn’t mean that they will do so intentionally, but either way, their ability to hurt you emotionally, psychologically, and even spiritually increase proportionally to the degree of love you show them.

If you truly love someone, you make sacrifices for them. You open yourself up to them and tie parts of yourself to them emotionally and spiritually. This is a big deal. Getting cussed out by a stranger doesn’t hurt near as much as being cussed out by someone you really love.

So, if you love, then you’re going to get hurt. This isn’t something to be afraid of, nor is it something that you should ignore. It is just a fact of life. I would rather love and be hurt than never to love and never to be hurt. Not loving someone does more damage to your spirit and emotions than being hurt by someone you do love.

The benefits of loving people can far out strip the down side of being hurt. If you have enough people that you are loving, you always have people to retreat to when another of them hurt you. But loving people gives you a much more positive outlook on life. It allows you to experience peace with your surroundings and circumstances. Yes, love people. It is so worth it.

HOW TO GROW YOUR CAPACITY TO LOVE

The more pain and emotional trauma you can absorb and deal with the greater your capacity to love others. It sounds like a rotten trade off, but it’s not. If you can’t handle being hurt, you’ll build walls between you and people. You’ll withdraw into yourself, carry a chip on your shoulder, and generally push people away. You won’t experience a close relationship, and it could lead you to begin to hate yourself.

I pastor a Church and I look to love every one that steps in the doors. This means that each of them, in their own way, has the ability to hurt me. I accept that. And, indeed, I’ve been hurt by many of them. But I strive not to take things so personally in life. I try to be a shock absorber. I don’t crack under the pain, I just absorb it and shunt it off.

You keep so many more relationships if you can do that. I can’t recall the times that I’ve managed to strengthen a relationship because I absorbed the pain inflicted on me by someone else. If husbands would learn to do this for their wives, they would have the position and ability to strengthen their marriage to such a strong degree. If wives could learn to do this for their husbands, they wouldn’t feel so alone and find they have a unique position to strengthen their marriage.

When you get hurt, you get defensive. You take a position and start lobbing verbal artillery shells at the object of perceived attack. Instead of absorbing the hurt and looking for a solution, injured people usually make the situation even worse. You start building walls that shuts out everyone.

TIPS AND SUGGESTIONS

1. Don’t take things so personally.

2. Don’t focus on your pain. Instead, focus on the other person and what might be done to fix the relationship. If you can repair the relationship, your pain will be relieved.

3. Think of yourself as a shock absorber. Look for the best in people instead of the worst.

4. Don’t quit because you get hurt. You only got hurt because you cared. That in itself is worth the price.

5. If you handle it right, you have the opportunity to strengthen the relationship.

6. Remember, you’ve probably hurt people too.

The larger your capacity to love, the greater your happiness can be. Oh, you’ll get hurt here and there, but dealing with it right will allow you to retain your joy.

Please visit our website at: http://www.fitlyspoken.org For more books and resources to build Christ honoring relationships, express yourself, and develop stronger communication and social skills.

Article Source: http://www.faithwriters.com-CHRISTIAN WRITERS-MAKE A WEBSITE

Teaching Abstinence Works!

I know many of you heard the results of  the study of pre-teens who delayed the initiation of sex after an abstinence-only based program.  Hopefully, more studies like this will take place and continue to cause Washington to take notice. Let’s actively persuade our politicians that this type of education is needed and that it works.

Quick Response to Study of Abstinence Education

Are Black Children an Endangered Species?

As we celebrate the heritage, culture and successes of the African American community we must also highlight the plights that we continue to face.  Every 4 days in American more black children are killed through abortion than the KKK killed in 144 years.  African Americans are still more likely than any other ethnic group to abort unwanted/unplanned pregnancies.  Why?

National Marriage Week

National Marriage Week USA announces a new initiative for the week leading up to Valentine’s Day 2010, and is putting forth a call to mobilize hundreds of organizations to plan and prepare for awareness and activities for February 7 to 14, 2010. The goal is to elevate national attention on the need to strengthen marriage and ways to do it, and initiate new efforts to reduce the divorce rate and build a stronger marriage culture which in turn helps curtail poverty and benefits children.

National Marriage Week has long been an organized celebration around the world ( www.marriage-weekinternational.org) with large rallies, resolutions in Parliaments, concerted outreach for marriage education, and more. But not many folks know about it in the U.S. This week in 2010, a new initiative is being launched by National Marriage Week USA in an effort to build collaboration and focus uniquely on February 7 to 14 with coordination of national efforts at www.NationalMarriageWeekUSA.org.

Chuck Stetson, chairman of National Marriage Week USA says “The alarming drop in marriage rates in America combined with high divorce rates are financially costly to taxpayers and individuals, and emotionally costly to children. Marriage breakdown costs taxpayers $112 billion a year. The nation needs to pay attention.”

“Marriage works,” says executive director Sheila Weber. “Research shows that marriage makes people happier, live longer, and build more economic security. Children with married parents perform better in school. There are proven ways to repair and restore marriages–but most folks don’t know where to go to get the help they need.”

The first-ever Marriage Index, recently released jointly by the National Center on African American Marriages and Parenting (NCAAMP) and the Institute for American Values in October 2009, reveals a huge decline in national marriage indicators. One indicator shows 79 percent of adults were married in 1970, while only 57 percent of adults were married in 2008. Another indicator shows 40 percent of all children in America are now born out of wedlock; and 72 percent of African American children are now born without married parents.

“I am excited about the efforts of National Marriage Week USA to pull together business, government, and religious organizations to draw attention to solutions to the current problems created by divorce,” said marriage expert Dr. Gary Chapman, #1 best-selling author of “Five Love Languages.” “If we can help couples learn how to create loving, supportive marriages, it will not only bring marital satisfaction, but will enrich the lives of children, and create a more productive society,” said Chapman, national spokesperson for the 2010 effort.

Find resources to help your own marriage, find marriage conferences in your area, learn how to help others in your community, watch a one-hour webinar, and get lots of practical ideas for how to celebrate at www.nationalmarriageweekUSA.org.

Keep it Pumping!

Keep it pumping…your heart, that is.  Since 1963, the United States has used the month of February to observe American Heart Health Month.  This February educate yourself and those near and dear to you about living healthy lifestyles.

Decades of progress in the United States on cutting cholesterol, blood pressure and smoking are being stalled by rising obesity rates, and heart disease will kill around 400,000 Americans this year, experts said on Monday.

Indeed, these are all staggering statistics but, we have to power to change them dramatically.  We can change our undisciplined mindsets toward health.  Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. If we can trust God with our job search, marriages, children and finances we can surely trust the one who created these bodies to best teach us how to care for them.

One half of African American women will die from stroke or heart disease.  African American adults are less likely to be diagnosed with coronary heart disease, however they are more likely to die from heart disease. Although African American adults are 40% more likely to have high blood pressure, they are 10% less likely than their non-Hispanic White counterparts to have their blood pressure under control.

African American and Hispanic American/Latina women should be concerned about getting heart disease because they tend to have more risk factors than white women. These risk factors include obesity, lack of physical activity, high blood pressure, and diabetes. If you’re a woman of color, take steps to reduce your risk factors.

Take action to reduce heart disease risk:

1. Be physically active
2. Don’t smoke
3. Eat healthy
4. Maintain a normal weight
5. Know your numbers (blood pressure, cholesterol, and triglycerides)

Source: WomensHealth.gov: Feb. 2010

Stay tuned this month for more updates, tips, recipes and other resources that lead to a healthier, happier you!

Blessings…

The Pros and Cons of Black History Month

Originally posted on The Grio.com

Black History Month is a refreshingly festive time of the year for most of us. Our national choice to give reverence to the contributions of African-Americans is worthy of celebration. If grades were given for effort, we would earn at least a B+ for our joint commitment to allocating a special time to observe and respect African-American history.

But effort is not always enough. Good intentions are a necessary, though not sufficient requirement for us to win the fight for racial equality in America. So, given that our nation has convinced itself that Black History Month should be celebrated, we must now begin to understand how Black History Month might be celebrated in order to be most effective.

My first thought: Why is slavery never really on the table for serious discussion during Black History Month? We are consistently told to remember the Holocaust of Nazi Germany, but for some reason, any meaningful conversation about slavery tends to be reduced to quick mentions of Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass and (of course) Abraham Lincoln. Perhaps the reason we are so quick to remember the Jewish Holocaust but want to forget the African-American holocaust is because the latter is simply too close to home. It’s easy to vilify Adolf Hitler for killing Jews, but not good business to do the same to Thomas Jefferson for his ownership of slaves. Perhaps instead of Black History Month, we should consider “Black Honesty Month” and actually talk about what really happened during slavery.

Second thought: Why does the black history conversation have to start with slavery anyway? Were there no black people in existence before the 17th century? After casually mentioning the arrival of slaves to America, we then rattle off a list of standard achievements: “A black man invented this,” or “John Q. Blackman was the first to accomplish that.” All the while, there is little or no acknowledgment of the great civilizations of Africa to match the incessant drilling of Greek and Roman history into the heads of our kids.

While I am certainly proud of African-Americans who’ve led the way with marvelous inventions and achievements, we must be careful about how our presentation of the message affects the self-esteem of black children. By starting our history as “those people who were eventually freed from slavery by a white man (Lincoln),” we are reminding our kids that the primary quest for black people is to achieve equality with whites. White achievement becomes the ceiling of our greatness, which only serves to guarantee our second-class citizenship.

Third thought: Does a celebration of Black History Month negate the need for more productive conversations about modern day structural inequality? We tend to talk about the history of race in America as if the past is completely disconnected from the present. We discuss how “they used to treat black people back then” without realizing that “they” created the foundation of the society in which we live. Without meaningful discussions of present day manifestations of structural racism, including the education, prison and economic systems, we have forfeited our ability to discuss the past in a constructive way.

Fourth thought: Given that most Americans are woefully uneducated on African-American history, it is clear that allocating one month to the topic is not satisfactory. Why not allow all American children to receive a more holistic and integrated historical education that includes African Americans? By relegating black historical education to one month out of the year, have we created a “Chronological reservation,” a space of time that is owned by blacks, but keeps blackness trapped within its borders? Are black history courses mandatory at most universities? Are children in public school being taught a sufficient amount of black history? Perhaps creating a generation of children who are better informed on the history of race relations might help our nation avoid producing the next Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity. Analyzing the present without understanding the past will almost always lead us to incorrect conclusions. The problem is that most of us don’t know enough about the past to put the present into its proper context.

I enjoy the celebration of Black History Month, and our nation has made a relatively sincere effort to show respect for African-American achievement. But there is certainly more to be desired, and we can only improve our understanding of black history if we consciously acknowledge that there is more for us to learn. Black history is not a 300-year montage of inventions, laws and liberations. It is every bit as complex as the history of any other group of people, and the complexity should be recognized.

Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition and the initiator of the National Conversation on Race. For more information, please visit BoyceWatkins.com.

Teaching Tools: Black History Month

Haiti or U.S.?

I recently read an article on www.ac360.com that was very thought provoking.  In it the author, David Gewirtz shares his thoughts and feelings about America helping Haiti long term.  The United States helping its’ neighbors while seemingly neglecting our in house problems has been a long standing arguement.  But, in light of our current economic status and the war in Iraq, what should our stance be?  We have a moral obligation to help those in need at home and abroad, but at what cost?  Tell us what you think…

Haiti is not our long-term responsibility. Detroit is.

First, I’d like to send a good thought to all those suffering today in Haiti, and all their family members here in the United States.

No one can look at the horror of Haiti and not feel both a deep sense of sadness and a desire to help. It seems almost mean and selfish to suggest that we need to do something other than provide our full support to this devastated nation, but that’s exactly what I’m about to do.  Continue reading…

Hannah’s Prayer

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.  Proverbs 22:6

“Are You Listening?: A Love Song for Haiti

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