Although Jesus had twelve disciples who traveled with him throughout his ministry at certain times in the Bible it is clear Jesus didn’t take everyone with him. On occasions, he was alone and at other times he had Peter, James and John. It is evident that He was mindful of who went where and He leaves the example that everyone cannot always be in your space.
You have got to be careful the people you allow to share your space in this life. You must also be mindful of those who speak into your life, breathe your air, and share your space and even your bed. Despite the feelings of your flesh we must realize that everything that may feel good is not good for you. I once heard someone say that the devil knows your weaknesses, why would he waste time trying to tempt you with someone who is light and bright when it is milk chocolate that tickles your fancy. If drugs are not your struggle it would be a waste to tempt you with that. The real temptation is the desire of your heart, your real weakness, or passion or pleasures. They could be your desire for wealth, or prestige, or even something as simple as a desire for company. Whatever your desire, it is your duty to be aware of yourself and those you allow to be close to you so that in your living of life you are not lost.
A successful undergraduate student pondered as to why she could not find a stable mate. She dated guys that were in college and those that were working. She went to all the parties and never found anyone who was really “into “her. She never found that person who seemed to really care about her and her needs. She wanted to have someone who inquired about her academics and her sorority work. Someone she could share her ups and downs with. There were many dates and many introductions, but nothing of value to her ever appeared. Until one day she met a man who was gentle and kind and seemed to put her above all.
It was not too long before the young woman had fallen completely in love with him. He was everything that she wanted. They spent all of their free time together, before class, after class, on the weekends. You rarely saw them alone. As time went on, the students’ life began to change. She didn’t have time for the sorority meetings, or girls’ night out or anything outside of their relationship. Her life had become this man. Whenever her friends would mention that they missed her or they wanted to see her, she made excuses. When she spoke to her boyfriend about their concerns, that she needed some space, for some time for herself, he told her they were jealous. The young woman did have moments of clarity, moments when she just wanted to be with her friends and do girl things. Sometimes she did go out, but when she returned it was horrible. There wasn’t anything physical- in the beginning. It was just yelling, arguing and belittling. It got to the point where the young woman didn’t even want to go out anymore, because it wasn’t worth the hassle when she returned. Her world got smaller and smaller. Any argument about anything got worse and worse. The yelling turned into grabbing and the grabbing turned into pushing and the pushing led to bruises and busted lips.
Days turned into weeks and weeks into years, until one day the young woman looked at her life and couldn’t believe what she had become. The once intelligent, outgoing, outspoken woman was now a small fraction of that person and she could barely find herself inside. It was then, that she made her plan of escape on the journey to find her former self. It wouldn’t be until years later that she could actually say that she was a victim of Domestic Violence. That young woman was me.
Now I am older and wiser. My relationship with God is real. I attribute my experiences and faith in Him to the strong woman that I am today. I use my life as a testimony that God is still and has always been good. His love for me is greater than I could ever imagine for myself and it is greater than any love anyone (man or woman) could ever have for me.
This Easter season is a constant reminder of what God whispered in my ear, while I was in the ER waiting for an x-ray. I heard it as clear as the voice of the doctor in the room with me. HE said “JESUS paid it ALL”. That was it, just four words I had heard hundreds of times before, but this time it seemed to have a greater meaning. Jesus paid it all. Jesus paid it all. You mean Jesus paid it all? So I don’t have to be here? I don’t have to allow myself to be abused verbally and physically. I don’t have to endure my heart being crushed and crucified by the words of someone who wears the title of lover? He paid it ALL? Really? So my debt is to Christ and no one else? God are you sure?
I wish I could tell you that I jumped up out of that hospital and never went back, but that would be a lie. I did go back. But believe me when I tell you I was a new creature. The same way the relationship morphed into the dysfunction that it was it took some time for me to untangle myself from all that I was tied to. But it did happen. I did escape what at times felt like a no win situation. I did discover that God gives you what you need when you need it, and many of my friends whom I had shunned earlier were the same ones who embraced me with open arms and wiped my tears away. God has helped me rebuild my life brick by brick, day by day. It is only HIM who has fostered forgiveness in my heart and hope for my future. My past doesn’t determine where I will go or with whom. I have the power to determine who shares my space and so do you!
